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Showing posts from July, 2023

Rock Meet Bottom

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Welcome back for another installment of the shitshow known as life. Last week was a kind of turning point for me in my healing, to put it out there that I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live any more. I talked with my Psychologist about it this week and I mentioned that it helped me to feel better by talking about it. Like I was able to break through the boundary of shame that I had built up because of the secret that I was holding. During those times I didn't tell anyone what I was feeling. I didn't tell my wife, I didn't tell my friends, I obviously didn't tell anyone in my office. So it became like everything else that I was refusing to acknowledge or deal with for the years prior. I just kept pushing it down, pushing it away, expecting that it would just go away or that one day I would wake up and things would be okay again in my life. The scary part looking back is that I kept going for as long as I did, just living right on the edge of d...

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

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Hello there and welcome back to the shit show. If you've been coming along for the ride for the last two posts, words cannot express what the support and the words of encouragement have meant to me. If this is your first time stopping in for a read buckle up. To look back at my last post and see the amount of shit that piled on in only a couple years I am amazed that it took as long as it did for the wheels to fall off. I guess that's how it happens though, there wasn't one big event during those first few years that would have blown the doors off. It's a slow accumulation of little traumas that build up over time until the weight becomes too much to bear. So without further adieu, lets get back into it I suppose. Fair warning again, this one contains some serious and heavy content that may be distressing to read. I ended off last post right before my first child was born. In typical mountie fashion, my wife went into labour between night shifts and instead of just stay...

Bad Boys Bad Boys..What You Gonna Do?

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Good day and thanks for stopping by again. If you read the first post, thank you for the support and if this is your first time here thank you for taking the time to read a little bit more of my journey. Last time I touched on the who and the why, and today I think I'll start a lit bit on the when and the how. It'll take more than one post to cover the 10 years of shit that I've gone through. Trying to explain the how is something that I am still working on processing myself but I think that by writing things out it may help with my healing. Fair warning now, there's some heavy shit coming out in this one so read on at your own risk. So where do I start? I guess I'll go back to talk about myself a little bit more about how I ended up in police work in the first place. I was never one of those kids that had the life long goal of being a police officer. Growing up I was always a quieter kid and I never felt like I truly fit in going through school. The easiest way to ...